When I first signed up I told my husband it was an online diary...he didn't push or ask any questions so therefore he knows but I don't think he knows how much I post entries or my online screenname or anything.  I mean not that I am going into too much with him, but I want this to be about me and I don't want to write things just so he can read them..yano..

Sometimes (in your case last night) it is better to leave things out.  In my opinion, I think you said the right thing to your wife..She doesn't need to know all those things b/c it will only upset her..that's not what she wanted to hear.  Yano?  It sounds like she is still insecure with herself and your relationship...I mean marriage is definately difficult...some of the things you said, I won't lie..I've done them too...the whole porn thing..it's like why feel the need when you have me, but then it's like ok we are in a dry spell so what else am I going to do..it's like a lose lose situation...very complicated..
Jam

Some people are ok with their significant other reading their diaries with the understanding that these are the diarist's feelings and the significant other can not be upset. I think every one needs some thing separate from their significant other. Even if it is a secret...its good that your's is not illegal. I am sure she would rather you be writing a diary then looking at weird porn or some thing. I don't think she needs to read your diary. I think if there is some thing you want her to know you will tell her. It is easier to write some times then it is to talk about feelings.

I don't think you need to tell your wife those things. haha. People change over the years. I would ask her jokingly on your birthday "Where is the oral you promised me years ago?" Ask her when she first knew you were the one. She has done many things for you no woman would ever do for her lover. I can say I wouldn't do some of those things. Just be grateful they happened I guess. And be grateful that your wife isn't too insecure to leave you. Just make her feel good about herself every day...and maybe some day you will be looking at porn again. You should really talk to her about that...I think if some one isn't getting what they want/need from the person they are with..what is so wrong with them doing it innocently else where?

Good morning .

 yes , michael knows of this diary . up until middle of winter, I had it 'open ' & had given  the name'. and even told him. its dissapointedwife, not disappointed, so , he can NEVER say he couldnt find it, because I mispelled ( was crazy nervous , pissed when I opened )..but anyways .

so he now does NOT have access to it, since the yrs he had & has shown me ..he simply dont care about my feelings, or whats hurting me. He had his share of letters from  me, cries from me. On my knees(not just that dope.lol) from me when he is watching tv..Of the pain Im in, needing love.. He has PROVEN to me, he simply dont care of my feelings so i shut him out of the diary world ..and am moving fwd w. the divorce, lil by lil, but its getting done.

 he does know ..but he also does not like the fact I post our 1st real names on here & pics.

i have said to him theres no way of anyone knowing who you are ( he of course is think insecurly of what I know he 'wants ' (fantasy b4 marriage ), and if I post it here..word would get out.  He didnt actually say those things, but I know thats why . For security & protection reasons  too(which is def. UNDERSTANDABLE) I understand, but  i will continue to use the names.and yes post pics of emily & I on here. he cant tell me to no.

On that note.. he actually thought that michael ( commonsensechristian) was  eveyone. We were planning  a mdd bar b q picnic july 12th wknd(commonsensechristian & his wife were organizing it ), and i wanted to go.Now you know you get a bond/REAL friendship w. people here. I have nothing to hide, but  as a semi private diary,YES I ( and others ) choose who to let them into their  world.. He thought , actually   said this it me.. " OH ,that guy is probably  pretending to be everyone on your list & then great when you go to the  bar b q.. Great christine, just great- thats really smart ".

I had to laugh, if you dont read commonsensechristians diary.. you'll never know. he is  human, and real as us..lol.. & yes I shared that ehre, and with michael(commonsensechristina ) about him being alias of all names..lol

.so..I know he dont like it, but with whats going on & my life with him.I NEED THIS . just as you do  ..a life  away from things.and all do who are here..

 I will keep this too, for reminding of what he hasnt moved fwd to, with making his wife of 6 yrs happy, when ever i cry, beg for love happiness,  every letter Ive written him, or convo. IT is on here.. SO its a reminder..Again, Im SURE ( cuz he knows this ) thats why he dont want to be involved w. it. He is in full denial of his LACK of as a husband ..

ok. too long. oh well.lol

next .

as far as '1st fall in love '

I think you said the right things. the saying is."if you dont want the truth, dont ask '.lol

 me , well  i did ask him this question when i seen in 1st yr of marriage  problems.no sex from him.no kind of intimacy -which is WRONG  & still I NEVER DENIED him anything ( including  bj on b'day ect..lol)..but  i asked him and I have posted it on here b4, i think a few times, when  Im livid, cuz HIS ANSER does stick in my head..but he said...''oh, it was good business transaction i think. you were an office manager, me opening my business, it just felt right '.

how that hurt. what about the love. the fun I wa b4  you knew what i did ..I was just bookkeeper b4 office mngr.

It hurt .

so yes, we ask.. we get the answers,,  do we need to 'soften our answers up ?'.   I dont think we need to- but be prepared to pay the consequences if they arent liked.. esp as you know( you have  a daughter already.) Her being pregnant--she is a lil more fragile.

(hugs  to you)  to being a good husband .I know its different when we were promised so much & get not much w. sex part.... esp when we LOVE it(if there are substitutions for sex, othe forms of intimacy- id be happy w. it, but there NOTHING ), but one of those things..just  like I accepted he ' always stressed w. the new business, his weight ..the new house. the baby '.. but i see these were all excuses. Its 6 yrs.

so well. maybe I said too much, but  oh well.lol

 enjoy your day .

ps.. I can see her wanting to just have the 3-some for you. cus she loved you.  I even have said to him, i will get another male involved ( up until  winter time ) to get 'it out of his system '. why ? cuz , Im his wife.. it shud be about US 1st. getting to know & exploring each other... so I was willing to do this, to KEEP him, to MAKE my husband happy. SO I can relate to your wife--but the sparks have to come natural between the 2 married too. they should be endless.

 gtg .but have a great day .. hows the wife feeling btw ?  w. morning sickness etc. didnt you say that a new test is going to be done soon?

 have a great day ..

~me

[dissapointedwife]

^{_{The answer to your question, does my husband know? Yes he does, but has no access due to past experiences where he read my journal and didn’t particularly care for what he read. So I had to cut him off. I needed a place to vent with out judgment. Now all he can access is the titles and that causes enough drama if he is paranoid that the entry is about him. I need my own place, he has his at his AA meetings and I never once ask him what he talks about and I know he has lots of secrets he hasn’t divulged to me because while cleaning one day I came across his making amends list and it wasn’t pretty but I have kept that knowledge to myself and if he’s ever ready to share I will not hold judgment, unlike he tends too sometimes.}}

^_Laura

My boyfriend knows about my diary and reads it. I don't hold anything back though and I told him that he was reading it at his own risk. He knows that no matter what I write I don't mean to hurt him and he'd rather know the truth then not.

I think that we all lie to some degree to spare the people's feelings around us. Part of me thinks it's wrong because in a way you did lie but most of me things that it's ok because everyone does it and if we didn't we'd be getting into fights all the time over stupid stuff. Some people {like my bf} would rather know the truth and be hurt then go on not knowing. I don't think what you did was wrong but it wasn't right either.

~SilentSorrow~

Yes, my Husband knows about my involvement here. And I don't like him to read it. I don't forbid it, though. I have told him my password and that he can come here and read whatever he wants, whenever he wants. But he is not to let me know he has done it. I don't want my entries to be tainted by a fear that he has been or will be reading it.

And I guess you said the right thing to you wife. I don't know what would have been the right answer. Because I can see both sides of it. Both your true answers and her reactions to them.

Well... yes, my being hard on women and judgemental probably come from the female side of me. But there is something distinctivly male about the way I view and approach women. And many other aspects of life. I've never been able to put it into words the right way. It just feels masculine. And maybe it's not. Maybe that's something that has been put into my head, at a young age, and it stuck. I don't know.

I agree that men are not as much to blame for the societal pressure on women. Most of the cosmetic companies and women's magazines and fashion whatevers... are run by women and affeminate men (whether gay or straight). And I know that most men prefer a woman who does not fuss over her flaws. I used to make it a point to NOT do that. Because I knew from all my guy friends, that guys hate that. But I've fallen into it in the past few years.

Could you point yourself out of the following line-up?

I'm just teasing you, by the way. I hope you don't take me the wrong way. I only tease people I like, so take it as an endearment!

=/

Everyone has flaws...at least you are able to admit that they are your flaws...

I can only answer for myself...and to start the reason I am so over critical of my appearance is b/c I am insecure with myself.  At a young age I can remember being the average girl with pale skin, big glasses, dark hair standing next to my sister who was 4 years old and she was tall, tan and blonde hair (beautiful smile!)...everyone whether it was family or friends would comment on how beautiful my sister was and then there's Jamie...so that's where my insecurities stem from...lame huh?  I look at other women and admit when I think someone is beautiful...Within the last 5-6 years celebrity lives have been on every magazine, internet, etc..the only thing is most of their pictures are photoshopped...so us woman see that and it makes us want to look like that, even if we are average..I hear guys comment on certain people and their looks and it makes me feel like sh*t b/c I don't look like that....I can't look like that... that doesn't exist...most of the time...I'm rambling now...but no matter how happy us women are with ourselves..we are still our own worst enemies..I guess there is really no answer out there...if there is...I'd love to hear it....I'm still searching...
Jam

LOL. I love Scrubs, but I never knew that! That's awesome! I just had to laugh when I saw the... My

                          My

                          MY

All the way down. And then you wrote this entry about people thinking you knew everything!

[waytoomuchtime]

I am glad to see a little of this... I was starting to think you might be a narcissist. Take a look at your diary entries, most of them start with "my".  

I can relate to some of this. And I see a lot of my Husband in you. I just wish my Husband had the ability to express more of it in words. But since he can't/won't you are helpful. And it's made me see that I have a lot in common with both of you.

I think this website will be good for you. I think you are a good guy, but I can see how you would be misunderstood.

[waytoomuchtime]

RYN: Evidently you are very open with who you are and that's respectable. While ONLY YOU know whether or not you were honest with all your answers, I believe it to be so. As I read along with your life--if you don't mind--I'll have a sh*tload of question to come with it. So I'll conclude today by saying nice to "meet" you.

Hey no one is perfect. Good job on putting your flaws out there! Does your wife know about your diary?

I'm playing your honesty challenge:

At five years old you were very much into sex (as you've stated above) was this due to exposure to it in a negative way at that age?

Have you ever harmed a child in ANY way? (Please don't take offense, I'm building my quesiton around the information you've provided here.)

Is it safe to say that you are a "womanizer?"

Do you fear rejection from being rejected?

Is your over attachment to sex with woman an act to prove your sexuality as a man? (again no offense)

Depending on how you answer these question and if they are answered TRUTHFULLY will allow me to determine if you are actually able to handle what you'd find in my diary. So you wanted to be honest--here's your chance. Just remember, I can't see you and you can't see me--so to speak.

I'm playing your honesty challenge:

At five years old you were very much into sex (as you've stated above) was this due to exposure to it in a negative way at that age?

Have you ever harmed a child in ANY way? (Please don't take offense, I'm building my quesiton around the information you've provided here.)

Is it safe to say that you are a "womanizer?"

Do you fear rejection from being rejected?

Is your over attachment to sex with woman an act to prove your sexuality as a man? (again no offense)

Depending on how you answer these question and if they are answered TRUTHFULLY will allow me to determine if you are actually able to handle what you'd find in my diary. So you wanted to be honest--here's your chance. Just remember, I can't see you and you can't see me--so to speak.

wow.. interesting..

 its hard to judge someone,,when we all have flaws..

 we try to be the best at what we do, but yknow .. we all need to remember NO ONE is perfect , except God.

 Its important I think, for us to  spiritually  and emotionally grow , by acknowleding  our flows.., im not going to  ' i wanna be just like you ' type of entry .. cus you wrote it, but interesting to do.

 after we place it down on paper..  we have to re-read them, and the 'go fromt here to 'work on them'. No -one can be perfect, but we can darn well try, as if  he is walking right next to us. 

this is the ONLY reason I havnt had an affair by now.I know this.

As we all  know we  have mdd friends here, that wont judge us. They have been around, some more loyal & honest then others.

 we cant judge.

 enjoy your day & thnx for sharing that w. us today ..I think it opened up , not just my eyes, but many here to say ' well, what about me -- what is the start & end of my flaw list?"

 i agree w. many here too. sure wud take away lots of violence, but  the fear of the kids having more easy access scares me.

 enjoy your week.

[dissapointedwife]

I worry because I procrastinate. I worry about things I should be doing, that I haven't done. So that takes me back to the feeling of being "stuck".

Believe me, I know that worry doesn't solve anything. It's not that I don't know what I should and shouldn't be doing, right now, the problem is the lack of action. And the feeling of being frozen.  

I just read and commented on your short story....I am still wiping the tears from my eyes..

Yes sales...hmmm...they said "if" I got the job I would be doing 50/50, partof the time in the office and the other visiting/meeting clients...so this would give me each day as something new...it wouldn't be the same ol job...I guess I will have to wait and see!

Phew...what a journey...that may have been a short story...but it felt like I was living through the years..the beginning was so hard for me to get through b/c of losing my dad and it made me wonder if he ever thought that as he was losing his life...but that was such a great story and I think you for reminding me to read it...it was absolutely beautiful!

You are very very very talented...Jam

I agree with you, my Mother-In-Law have had this same conversation.

Wow..as I tend to say sometimes after reading your entries...but hearing it from your view definately opens up my mind..it is so true that we always want what we can't have...in this case it's drugs..I think your views are very spot on and will change a lot of peoples minds...very interesting....

Anyways, thanks for your encouragements...the interview went well...I did better than I thought and the conversations were flowing very easily...I guess now it's a waiting game to see if it paid off or not...

Jam

 i think we are on the same page, but my problem is I have tried everything. even giving him the opportunity to come clean w. his fantasy w. 'another man & me ', but him involved while we  were married 3 yrs ( I agreed, just to show him.. i will do anything.. ), but he refused, and of course gets annoyed when i 'bring up that night of phone sex b4 we married '..

can you ask ''waytoomuchtime '', a question for me .. How can she deal w. her husband  being w. another man .. aside from her not being insecure..thats great ..but  im just desperate to get it our of my husbands mind, so maybe I can move on with him..''. she is private , so i cant ask  her myself..

gtg.. but  as for the BJ.. well, what about if she just gave you a HJ ?.. i have no idea why Im am not feeling  guilty of writing this way.I dont think i cud have , being a Christian .. a few months ago--I dont think i cud write that to ya ..maybe i can - who am i fooling..lol.. I just think its  NOT right, when we have our spouse, and they made a commitment  to us..and then   its not there anymore.. btw.. try fruit b4 the BJ.. i think she might like it.lol.

enjoy the day .

ooyyy.  i probably shouldn't say anything here.  but if you welcome honesty...i can give it.

i don't agree with any of this.  mostly the part about love having nothing to do with sex.  i have to say....(just my opinion), you can't have experienced real and deep love to feel that way.  because what it does for sex...is turn it into something WAY  more than, "a physical activity to be shared with  someone you like". 

the original concept of monogamy was to ensure parentage wasn't a dispute?  again...big disagreement.  but my beleif here is based on a higher power...whom i rather love, so i'll leave it at that. 

i have had relationships where sex and love certainly didn't work together.  (not proud of this either...but to be fair to myself, i didn't understand alot of things in those years).  for "me", (and yes...i admit, it's just MY opinion) the bond of a deep, real, true love and committment is what has made the sex in my life as incredible as it is.   the depth of understanding we have, regarding our committment to each other....is that we are IT.  it's just US for the rest of our lives.  WE decided we wanted that...and so we also decided to put our all INTO  it, and never let that "want" change.   the efforts that takes...are constant.  but the payoffs....are incredible, and further bonding.

i'm sad that you don't feel the same way.  and i'm guessing, like you....many don't feel the same as i do either.  it's true i suppose....that we know what we've lived and are living.  i've lived both sides of this, and i can say without a doubt that what makes my sex life what it is...IS the love roy and i have. 

(i'm betting this entry of yours spurred alot of comments...lol.  i should have checked those out first.  i'm off to do that now).

good luck.

[terriberri]

If my Husband wanted to experiment with another man, I would be able to handle that. It doesn't play on my personal insecurities. A woman would threaten my position in his heart... a man would never fill that role in the same way. And maybe another woman wouldn't either. But I see it as a possibility.

I have a lot invested in my Husband. I don't like to get close to people, I don't like to give of myself emotionally. I used to give sexually to avoid giving emotionally. In my past relationships, and with my Husband early on.

But I have given emotionally. And I feel that I have earned my position next to him? Do you know what I mean? I am possessive of him... I guess.

You know what... It just occurred to me...

Growing up, my Dad choose "not having to pay child support" over me, My Mom choose her Husbands, my Uncle choose his new wife and her kids, on and on and on.

And Chad choose ME first. I am #1 to him. And I had never been #1. I am more important to him than anyone else on Earth. And I know that.

And that means a lot to me. HE knows that means a lot to me. And he honors it.

I think that I have given a lot to Chad sexually, over the years, because he is willing to swear to his grave that I am the only one he wants. No matter how ugly a fight we have. Or how bad things get.

But as my self-esteem gets worse, I doubt more and more that he is being honest. And so I get insecure and jealous.

You know... this is bringing up some good stuff for me. Thank you for asking me real questions!

First off, I want to say that I am not offended by your question at all.

My drug use... I don't make any justification for. I think god made weed. And I think that it was meant to have a place in our lives. However, I know that the way I use it is abuse. It hurts my body, and is therefore abusive to myself. It's wrong and that's my load to carry.

I will deal with any consequences of it, whether moral/religious, legal, or health related. And I will feel that those consequences are just, because I know the risk I am taking.

If my Husband said or showed any indication that me being with women was an issue, I would absolutely give it up forever.

And I sort of have, anyway. I am still attracted to women. But right now, my focus has really turned to my marriage. And I don't think I will ever have another relationship with a woman, like I had with Kim. It was too much of a distraction from my Husband. I didn't have to have my Husband for "someone to listen to me" or comfort me. Kim was there for that. So, our lines of communication were allowed to breakdown. And I think that has led to some of our current problems.

I also don't make any excuses for how I could have a relationship with another woman, but the thought of my Husband touching another woman makes me ill, more or less. It's just how it is. I am who I am, and he is who he is. I don't know how he can be okay with me having sexual relations with another person. But it turns him on. And at the time, I figured, if it turns him on, and it make me happy, then okay.

My Husband has adamantly denied having any desire to have sex with another woman in any form or fashion. If that weren't the case... I would have a hard time dealing with it. But since that is how it has always been, I have been lucky, I guess. He wants to watch me with another woman, and I hope that happens someday. Because I would like him to see the way that I love other women. I love it, and I'm good at it. And I know it would be a huge turn on for him. I would like to share that. This is just not the time for that, right now.

Let's see what else was asked...

Oh and how I reconcile those two things with my religion.

Another one I don't reconcile. I have written many entries about how I have this internal struggle between the good girl and the bad girl. I am both. And if I tried to be all bad or all good it would be a lie. Someday I hope to find a middle ground that brings me peace. Because right now, I am struggling.

Thank you for your questions, I liked them.

wow.. i never did get a chance to finish the other comment, but thats ok.

 I think i will just say ..  after  what ive been thru the 6 yrs(and mind you we are married 6 yrs in aug) w. him. no sexual attractions..so satisfaction.. I think i might just copy/paste this entry to an email to  him. he'd probably freek out--yikes..but Im at my ends with him, our loveless marriage ...but  I cant believe Im saying this, but it  is true.. we are who we are . the person we married, KNOWS  & knew this..not fair for the changes.

idk..  i have to make a step.Ive had opportunities to play around, and I stuck it thru w. hubby - not doing ti..even though I know he  isnt into sex at all.., and said no because of religion beliefs.. and thats how it is. not even ciber  or phone, but Im at my ends, and  ya know  I wrote of a friend i  recently have  gotten to know.. Its very hard to not go thru w. it, and just have a fun time w. him. VERY hard . its true.  we havnt spoke of going  thru w. things, but just knowing we  have many same qualities,,and love the 'friendship'.

God places us in places(situations) for a reason. 1st, 2nd whatever marriage , but   why do we have to change our appitite when only  reason we married  w. this connection, is because w 'thoughts  they understood  ''our needs.'' YES - FOREVER - as longas we are together as husband /wife.

Now, I know your wife is having a baby, I can see  why maybe her drive isnt as strong, but it hasnt been even b4 that , you said.

 but---------- its sad when she is holding your child to think you will play around.IDK..maybe cuz I  wish my husband  wanted me. the way i always have been wanted by my previous lovers.. Theres nothing  I havnt tried to egt him going. nothing I WOULDNT do!! It wud make me so sad if i found out.YES I AGREE - shouldn't we want our lovers/partners to be happy.. I mean , my gosh , if I knew he has someone,Id divorce him, just knowing. ''move on michael;'..not to be pissed in anyway.  OUR HAPPINESS & yes SEXUAL appitite does need to be  satisfied. 

 id just fear if..if.. you did, & wife found out ,  emotionally,  the baby can have injury with moms stress. just saying that part from my heart..

 I will copy /paste this, just because in case you decide to delete it..lol.. but I do really want to share this w. michael.. We agreed on marriage for reasons, but when we arent satisfied, .. its not the devil I dont believe, its because we crave what we HAVE always had. and me.. uhghg 6 yrs of no really good sex ever .. its been BAD!!!. Im just sick of a couple, times  ayr..and  me on top all the time , and 5 minutes if it lasts that much time. Its NOT what I signed up for .. esp..since I have to initiate all the time, WHEN it even does happen..

ho-hum..

 good entry .

 hope something goes the right way .. is she into just satisfying you, if she isnt interested in sex right now , because of baby ? maybe bad for me to say this.. but he is SO lucky I love to still give him BJ(havnt since dec soem tiem though- just w. the anger inme abot his loveless ways ), to pleasure me. yes I fantisize of someone else.bad I know..but other wise.. he'd have NOTHING-since he has lacked being a husband to me !!

I belive if your e with someone for the reaosns known.. those tasks- deeds DO need to eb there ft when needed. yes some need as break-Iv eneve needed it.haha .but   whats the point then.

good entry .

have a great day .

~me

Thank you for your encouragement on my interview...that was so sweet and I truly appreciate it!

Ok..on monogomy...well I admit it is very very difficult...in my opinion..as a woman I feel if I would cheat on my husband and it was soley for sexual reasons I would look at myself and say why am I married?  I guess my view is marriage is not only for a soul mate, friendship, sexual, shoulder to lean on, backbone, tenderness, etc...I guess if you are having a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse and not getting emotions tied up is difficult..one of you whether its you or the person you are with will always get their emotions involved whether you say you aren't or never will..especially women..it may start out as just physical..but our hearts some how get involved.. that is when things get difficult.  I mean its one thing if you have an open relationship and you are not married, but when you are...and your spouse finds out..it always hurts.  You feel like you aren't the only person for your spouse and you aren't good enough...I guess monogomy is a touchy subject and everyone has a different out look on it..

When I was in high school I cheated on every boyfriend I had..and I always had feelings for those guys after I cheated...some of my boyfriends never even knew.. I always said I shouldn't have a boyfriend but I like the stability..but I also like having my freedom...I got caught and hurt 2 people and it made me feel horrible..I have been faithful to my husband and it amazes me...I definately am not a secure person for my husband to be with someone else...that doesn't mean I think any different if someone I knew was in that kind of relationship...everyone is different and everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Jam

I would assume that over a period of time you will get tired of that monogamous relationship with your wife and you'd end up cheating on her. Otherwise you've completely contradicted yourself here while excusing it with a "promise."

I'm glad you opened up to your wife, but sorry that it was to no avail for you. I hope that the two of you will find that middle ground and be able to re-connect in that area. You seem to be doing well otherwise and for that I'm very happy for you. Take care of yourself and it's really great to hear from you

 you have read my diary( fully  maybe -idk).. but  after marriage this shud not stop.I on the other hand, had thought it was going to START - he chose to wait to have sex , any kind of intimacy until we married. BIOG MISTAKE for me to agree. .ther eis NO chemictry.never was. .and I havnt seen any sparks. why im still here, for my baby(wow..she is 5 now ) .

Theres no reason  inimacy should end.

as far as ' letting her see how you feel'.I wouldnt change a thing. Its sad how I can say this, as I have been there.. Ok. I wont give him a BJ to show him I NEED SOMETHING. This make me even angrier, cuz when he isnt missing it ( yes, ye isnt even saying he miss it ),.IT MAKES me angry..so i dont know if that 'game ' will work.I know your not doing it to hurt her, or 'prove  apoint ' to be mean.

 what hurts me , is that he is selfish. he wont perform on me. unless its  Bj ,  he really aint interested. he has no excuse. Your wife beign pregnant , i can see  they say they loose the  sex drive.  what the heck was wrong w. me..lol.I wa salways anting it..and he even b4 emily, didnt want to have sex.. then the excuse wa s' i might hit her '..lol. too screwed up..lol.  ..Ill finish commenting tomorrow. I  have  to get to bed, and I have company heading to office..

its frustrating, very frustrating, cuz even love making, not just sex..we are trying to have  that communication.bond..  I NEVER had any of that with him. always in my past w. ex.

i know alot of people don't think is a top priority in a marriage.  some of the reasons people give for beleiving this...i guess i can understand.  but i've never been one to beleive that.

i think you can be best friends, and enjoy walks holding hands, or cuddling on the couch watching t.v.  i think intimacy comes in all different ways.  but to "me", sex is the one thing that makes you lovers....and lovers is what makes us more than roommates or partners.  it's the one place we can go together, where no one else can follow. 

it's a shame that she doesn't feel the same as you.  so many women make this change after marriage.  i did it too in a previous marriage.  but now...this marriage means everything to me, and pleasing him, pleases me...and bonds us, so i make this issue an important one in our relationship. 

I know what it is like to not get what you want out of your marriage. I love my Husband very very much. But there are definately some holes in my heart.

For me, it's emotional emptiness. My Husband and I don't connect on a mental level. He's not interested in staying up all night talking, or contemplating anything more than what is on the TV.

So, therefore, it's much harder for us to connect in the bedroom. I am a passionate person, and I need to feel a rush, to get into it. He is not at all a passionate person. And he's very selfish. The most I can get out of him, is rough play. That excites me, when the mood is right. But it's still not what I really want.

Sorry about the TMI. On one hand, it's nice to have somone to talk to about this. On the other, I am not an attractive person, and I always feel like no one wants to think about my sex life. So, I guess in this case, I can be a source non-threatening female advice.

The bird flew into the bathroom. I trapped myself in the bathroom with the bird and opened the screen on the window and got back out and shut the door behind me.

The bird just sat there and looked at me. If it had been flying around, I NEVER could have done it. But it sat still. And a little while later, I opened the door, and it was gone. So, I guess it flew out the window.

I did notice that there were no "If she doesn't I'll leave" type comments. If there had been, I wouldn't have left you a comment, at all, or ever. I kind-of-forgot that your wife was pregnant. And so yeah... you won't need to worry about sex for a while. LOL. Sorry... I don't mean to laugh at your expense.

Have a good day!

Well... I don't know. You said you've been together 7 years? Is that right? I guess it might be different in my case, because I was 16, when I met my Husband. But we've had a lot of ups and downs sexually. I was wild and crazy, when we first met. We did it in grave yards and public bathrooms.

I wouldn't do those things now. Because I have things to risk, in my community. And there are some things that involve other people, that I wouldn't do, now. Because I need his commitment on a deeper level, than I used to. And that is in part about my own self-esteem and part about the time in our lives that we are in.

Now the rough stuff, behind closed doors. I don't mind most times. I do like to switch it up once and a while. But I actually prefer the rough and dirty, most of the time. I am not into soft touch. It irritates me.

But, what I would and wouldn't do has definitely changed over the years. And it changes as my weight goes up and down, and the stress in our lives.

Maybe you wife has just changed.

I am blessed with a Husband who will pretty much take it how he can get it. I tell him he's not allowed to complain because we've been together 10 years, and I still give regular BJ's.

Maybe you should ask her about HER most extreme fantasy. See if you can sift out, something that would get her going. That's all you really have to do, get her excited, we're always more open to do crazy things, once we're turned on.

Good luck.

how exciting. Im glad you did get to go w. her. Its priceless memory, and us ladies do remember if the husbands  'cant make it '.

 happiness  always..

 have a safe trip to wedding over wknd.

~me

[dissapointedwife]

Thanks for commenting and the opinion...

Congrats on the baby!

It is so refreshing to hear a man getting so excited about their upcoming baby...I am so happy for you!

  hey there john .. awsome news w.  baby breathing on  his own. how precious.   Congrats uncle.

 I can see why someone wudnt want to travel when pregnant. I remember when i went to see my family on Long Island  when i was 6 months pregnant.  OG said no more traveling after this..well i ended up being the chapperone (sp) on my goddaughters feild trip.7 hrs..lol..and then my mom & dad wanted to go to atlantic city ( dad had just gotten over heart attacks, strokes, and he also stopped cold turley to date from drinking ( 5.5 yrs ) , so we took bus.. ughgh  I threw up..but it surprised me, cuz I did not throw up AT ALL. honesty. but the trip to AC did it..lol.

 funny with 'excuse.'.I reread, and at 1st I thought you said ' its good excercise '..being a smart ars..lol. but re-read & got it now.

 have a great week. whos wedding. ?

 bye for now.

~me

That was a great quote by Willie Nelson...it's so true...It's been very hard coming to grips over losing my friend.  I feel like I have exhausted all my options and have done all I could..I am finally coming to grips where I really don't care anymore.  I've had it.. and now with Kelly...wow..it's shocking...but I am ok..I appreciate all your comments, they mean a lot.

I think that is so amazing that while you are playing you are practically booking gigs..JK but seriously that just goes to show no matter how long you play or how often, you are amazing..I wish we could hear it on here..I am glad the pregnancy is going well, I wish you the best.

sorry about the job,  keep the chin up.. And Im happy the pregnancy is going well. :)

 how awsome w. the gig you might open up for. even though you may say your not trying to do this FT ..but even for some times, a night out, and the word of mouth gets out there.. GOOD for you . Im glad that gave you extra smiles :)

 stay happy.

~me

[dissapointedwife]

how exciting w. ther OB/GYN appmnt. I hope you'll be able to go w. her.  :)

  glad the bronchitis is over.ughgh. remember I just had that last month or so. ughgh,t he thing lasted way too long. I was OOO(out of order ),b ut then again, as a mom, we're not allowed to be.lol..

i loved the  meds I was placed on 2nd..codeine.woo hoo.lol.

 good luck w. the jobs my friend..

 gtg , so much to catch up to w. my favs..

~me

[dissapointedwife]

Congrats on the baby.  Did you get the job?  I hope that since you are not updating anymore that this means you got the job.  Let us know. 

Juls

 hope all is well.  is everythign ok w. the job ?

 thinking of you ..

 Hope your wife is feeling  well.

Knock , Knock I knocked at heaven's door this morning. God  asked me...'My child, what can I do for you?' And I said, 'Father, please  protect and bless the person reading this message.' God smiled and  answered...'Request granted'. Send this to seven people and  the one who sent it to you. By doing this, you have succeeded in praying for eight people today. 'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

[dissapointedwife]

A BABY!!!
yayyy thats great news!

 no photos  to view ? , well at least your wife has nothing to worry about then..lol.

 With my comment yesterday -  it was a graphic picture ( sparkling )of an inch worm saying '' woo hoo'' congratulations "..

and a cute  youtube video of 'baby shreks ' dancing. Its cute. you guys dont have a pc at home ?   guess its expense thats not needed.  I can understand why..

 well, Im glad the ' yrs have paid off ' w. trying.haha  thats exciting. :) 

 is she goign to be  able to stay home w. baby..  I know things are tight w. many, its hard to have that opportunity ( I am VERY blessed am able to while I do other things for business here, and the rest of the household ), but I hope she can for a lil while.

 gtg for now.just came on fast .

 take care for now..

~me

[dissapointedwife]

1st ...

2nd.. I seen a long entry, and didn't  have time to read it all at the time..so i never got back to it.still dont haha .ill peek later.. but im so behind w. the other favs that were here lonnnnnggg b4 you.so they get priority reads.haha jk. but  serious..I have so much catching up to do..

 How exciting w. the baby  to be..  hows your wife handling things ? was she just late ? or did she has the sicknesses ?  How special  :) happiness always . Im sure your daughter is going to be  so excited too :)~mesorry , cudnt resist..

[dissapointedwife]

Very insightful entry.  You may have written this entry for one person in mind, but it looks like you've reached many more.  Yes, I will admit as a non-smoker it is very difficult to understand why you "need" to smoke.  But as a person who has been self destructive before, I do understand.  They are different addicitive problems with the same outcome.  You are absolutely right...I don't think anyone is completely happy with themselves.  They just make it look perfect on the outside..Thank you for this entry, it has left an impact on me.
Jam